


Changed

by Naughty_Owl (Perching_Owl)



Series: Among the stars [2]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Don't copy to another site, Hand Jobs, I'm not sure if the tags make it worse than it is or if they are accurate, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Porn With Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 23:27:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18303881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perching_Owl/pseuds/Naughty_Owl
Summary: Pike exhales, his gaze on the report in Ash's hand, apprehension on his face. He doesn't make a move to take it. Instead he asks, 'Would you like to come in? There is a glass of Tequila with your name on it if you want it.'Ash isn't sure, why he knocks on Pike's door, but he senses that, in the aftermath of a shuttle incident, the captain shouldn't be left alone.





	Changed

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of [Trapped](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180491) because I couldn't help but explore those two further, especially because I've got another fanfic in the works, which takes place after this one. And I have finished that, but not edited it yet. 
> 
> I think you could read it as a stand-alone, but it would perhaps make more sense to read [Trapped](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180491) first. 
> 
> Also, I just go with creator choose not warn, but I don't think any warnings apply for this one.

Ash shifts his weight from one foot to the other. His throat is dry. He doesn't know what has made him come to Pike's quarters; the PADD with the report in his hands could have waited until tomorrow morning. Perhaps Pike wouldn't even have wanted to be disturbed. Then again he has asked for the report to be delivered as soon as possible. And besides that he had been given an invitation to drop by. Maybe under better circumstances though. 

He hears voices from down the corridor, quiet and subdued. It makes him ring the bell to the captain's quarters. Moments later the door opens. Pike stands in the doorway. He isn't wearing his uniform anymore, just one of the simple shirts and soft trousers. In his hand he is holding a glass of clear liquid, his other hand is leaning against the side of the door. He looks exhausted, mouth drawn tight and eyes filled with grief. 

'Is that the report?' Pike asks, pointing with his glass at the PADD. 

'Yes,' Ash stretches the PADD out. 

Pike exhales, his gaze on the report, apprehension on his face. He doesn't make a move to take it. Instead he asks, 'Would you like to come in? There is a glass of Tequila with your name on it if you want it.' 

Ash hesitates. He isn't sure what he is agreeing to. After a rather intimate encounter on the shuttle he doesn't quite know there they stand with each other. Something in Pike's face makes him pause though, something about the way his eyes are casts downwards, his lips pressed together and his hair has become dishevelled, probably from running a hand through it. It tugs at Ash's heart - or rather his conscience. He can't leave Chris alone. Not after a day like this. So he nods and steps into Pike's quarters. 

The first thing he realises about the room is that they are warm. Not in the sense of temperature, which is regulated all throughout the ship, but in thatthey are comfortable, the usual cold blue of the Discovery accentuated with a number of bright, colourful blankets and comforters thrown over the most of the furniture. PADDs are strewn about, most of them on the low coffee table, in-between which he spots two used coffee cups. A bowl of fruit is in the middle of the table, half-empty. Over the back of a chair, Ash spots Pike's discarded uniform. The bed in the back part of the quarters is made, though not very well and another blanket lies crumbled on top of it. For some reason he has always thought Pike to be as organised in private as he is in leading the ship. It's not what he has expected, however the slight mess doesn't detract from the feeling of warmth. It might even add to it. 

Pike however has walked over to one of the shelves where he takes a glass and bottle out, filling a generous portion in both the new glass and his own. Ash's eyes follow him and he can see the tension in his back, the shoulders. 

Then Pike turns and gestures towards the sofa, 'Please, sit.' 

Ash lets himself sink onto it. He is surprised by how firm it is because the blankets made it look much more comfortable, but then he recalls that Pike is only here temporarily. The thought almost startles him because he hasn't thought wistfulness would accompany it. He pushes them away quickly. No use in thinking about it. 

After walking over, Pike hands him a glass. It makes Ash fumble with the PADD, which draws the captain's attention towards it again. Pike freezes, then his shoulders drop as he exhales and he stretches his hand out. 'Might just as well read it,' he mutters, trying to give Ash a smile, which ends in more in a grimace. 

'It's not that important,' Ash points out. 'And it will be there in the morning.' 

Grief crosses over Pike's features, mingled with desperation, but Ash cannot be sure as the captain averts his eyes to walk around the table. He sinks down next to Ash, puts his glass on the table and then buries his face in his hands. 

Ash opens his mouth to say something, anything really, but his mind stays blank, just as something holds him back from touching Pike, from putting an arm around his shoulders, from pulling him close for a kiss. The last thought is another surprise and he tries to push it back to wherever it came from. There was no use in thinking about that. Even though he remembers exactly how those lips feel against his. 

Pike's gaze falls onto another PADD and he turns it around. His face has turned even more desolate and he heaves another sigh. Ash can see he draws himself in, tries to push his emotions back behind him being captain, but it is not working well. His gaze is still focused on it despite the fact he has turned it around. 

Ash reaches out, takes the PADD and puts it on the other side of the table, where Pike's gaze cannot easily fall onto it. 'What was that about?' he asks, not sure if his question is welcome, but he wants to know what has upset Pike that much. 

'Condolence letter,' Pike responds. He closes his eyes, hand rubbing the bridge of his nose. 'I never know how to phrase them. And it always sounds stiff to me. They don't capture what he meant for engineering or the crew.' 

'It's not that bad to not be good at writing condolence letters,' Ash responds. He thinks back to the Klingon war and how he was lucky he never had been in the situation to write one. It stirrs up thoughts about Lorca and damn that man, but Ash is sure that bastard would have used a template. Not like Pike, who is agonising over ensuring Ensign Carter is portrayed as the goofball they were when they were in engineering while at the same time there hadn't been anyone more conscious of safety. Ash has only spend time with them during meals in the mess or sharing an elevator ride, but he has always thought there wasn't a better shuttle engineer out there for the job. 

Pike's hand drops, he sighs again and then reaches for the glass on the table. He doesn't sip it, instead takes a gulp and closes his eyes as the alcohol burns down his throat. 

'It isn't your fault,' Ash says after the other man stays silent. 

'I'm responsible for him.' 

'Yes, but incidents like this can happen.' 

'But people shouldn't pay for them with their lives.' 

'It was a shuttle accident - he knew something was wrong with it so he took it out for a test flight to see where the trouble was. No one could have known there was a power imbalance in the shuttle and as soon as he went to warp it would cause an explosion.' 

'Still it is something that should have been checked for. We should have guidelines for this, we should have made- there should have been some kind of safety to ensure that this wouldn't happen.' The anger and bitterness in Pike's voice makes Ash look at him. 

'Spaceflight will never be a hundred percent safe even with the standards that we have today. That's the reason we investigated the incident and we tried to find out what happened. So we can prevent those from happening in future. It's important we do this. You have done the same when you were a test pilot.' 

'But I knew the risks involved.' 

'And so did Carter. They made a note in their flight plan that they would try to push the shuttle. He knew it wasn't without risk. And you know that as well.' 

Pike sighs again. He appears tired, exhausted even. Ash knowns that deep-down he agrees with him, but for the moment his emotions are getting better of him. Pike seems to have realised the same, as he heaves a sigh and begins to speak again, 'I apologise for my behaviour. I shouldn't have unburdened this on you.' 

'You asked me to stay, I knew it was a possibility,' Ash responds, hoping the light-heartedness comes across. 

Pike's corner of his mouth quirks up in an almost smile. It's fleeting though. After another gulp of Tequila he says, voice low, 'Being responsible for just over 200 lives is- sometimes it's a lot. Thank you for being here, Ash.' 

The use of his first name is surprising, but not unwelcome and Ash feels a smile creep on his face, 'Anytime.' 

They fall silent and he finally takes a sip from his own Tequila. He enjoys the burn, the taste of alcohol, but he would have preferred a beer, something to drink more slowly. Quite frankly he would have preferred to wind down on a sailboat, his feet hanging over the side, sail gently fluttering above him and cold beer in hand. He wouldn't have minded Pike there either, stretched out on the deck beside him and soaking up the sun. 

His gaze falls to Pike, who has leaned back against the couch, glass in hand and gaze faraway. It gives Ash more time to observe the man. There is something about him, which draws Ash in. Pike however has that effect on many people though, drawing them in with his warmth and openness. He is similar to Lorca in that regard, seeking people out, letting them use to their talents to the fullest, but he is genuine where Lorca had not been. At first Ash thought them to be the same, but the more he got to know Christopher Pike the more he had been ashamed of that comparison. And the more he had thought about his own interactions with Pike. 

Pike hasn't trusted him when he first came aboard. Would it have been only the reports, Pike would probably still objected to him being onboard, but he wouldn't have treated him with outright hostility. But Pike had seen the reaction of the crew towards him and as he trusts them, he has been suspicious of him. Ash hasn't been welcomed with open arms. Michael had been glad to see him for sure, but Detmer and Owosekun had treated him with coldness and hard stares while Ryhs had tried to stay out of his way and the rest had been polite with him, but he had felt the anger and resentment. He is sure most of them would have forgiven him for having a Klingon inside of him, but Voq killing Hugh had burned most of the bridges. And he is sure Pike has picked up on that and because he trusts his crew, fallen into the same pattern of not trusting him. 

Then again Pike had also been suspicious of Section 31 -with good reason as he thinks back to the debacle at the space station among many others things- and he is sure that has also made Pike not to trust him. The stint in the time rift had somehow eased some of the tension between them and had allowed for Pike to form his opinion. 

And then their relationship -if one were inclined to call it that- had taken a different turn when they were locked in a shuttle for roughly fourteen hours. During which they had sex. And he still recalls Pike arching against him, lost in pleasure. He hadn't thought sex could be that enjoyable again. At least for him. But Pike had given into him with such ease, had trusted him to take care of him and afterwards they had somehow moved into something that could be describe as not quite friendship, but comradery. Or rather Ash believes that. He is still unsure about their relationship. 

But Pike's eyes don't follow him with distrust anymore, instead he relaxes when they are together in the turbolift and he has come to enjoy their talks after shift ends in the captain's ready room and before he makes his report to Section 31. 

Perhaps he himself has changed as well, he thinks as he takes another sip from his Tequila, still observing Pike's tired features. He isn't as on guard himself when they interact, he isn't expecting Pike to turn around and reveal his evil intentions. If anything he expects Pike to turn around with a smile and a witty, teasing remark on his lip. He still wants to kiss those lips, wants Pike stretched out beneath him, languid and the sad look in his eyes to disappear. 

Pike sighs again, sitting up, 'I apologise for being in a such a poor mood today, perhaps you should simply go back to your quarters.' 

'I could stay,' Ash offers. And he wants to stay, which surprises him even more. He moves closer to Pike, taking the glass from his hand and putting it on the table, hoping that that makes his intentions clear. 

'Would you?' Pike asks, voice sounding rough. His eyes have dropped to Ash's lips, but he tears them away and looks Ash into the eyes. There is still pain in them, still grief, but also the hope of forgetting for a moment, of remembering how it feels to think about life instead of death, is also there. 

'I offered, didn't I?' Ash leans forward before pressing his lips against Pike's. Pike's response is immediate. He opens his mouth, running a tongue against Ash's lips, a soft noise escaping him. He doesn't push though Ash thinks he wants to. But taking what he wants isn't in Pike's nature. 

So Ash pulls him close, bringing their bodies flush against each other. A quiet moan falls from Pike's lips and he puts his arms around Ash's shoulders. His fingers tangle in Ash's hair, angling him slightly so they can deepen their kiss. He almost crawls into Ash's lap, but Ash feels a wave of anxiety rush through him. He doesn't want to think about that, so he responds by pushing Pike back, towards the couch, who goes willingly, who moves onto his back. Ash follows him, leaning forward to captures his lips again while using his arm to prop himself up. Pike arches up against him, slinging his arms around Ash's neck. His legs have fallen open and he settles between them. 

Their kissing continues and Ash reaches between them, pushing Pike's shirt up. He lets his hands move over that soft skin and those strong muscles, enjoying the feel of them. Reaching down further he palms Pike's growing erection, rubbing gently over it. 

Pike makes a desperate noise, whimpering into their kiss. His eyes have fallen closed, a shiver runs through him. He wants more, wants it now, and Ash is only too happy to oblige. There is something mesmerizing in the way Pike holds himself back even though he wants more. In turn it makes Ash want to help, want Pike, see him come undone. It makes him realise that neither is going to last long, both of them preoccupied with reaching their release quickly instead of leisurely. 

Ash breaks away, his breathing heavy, cock pressing against his trousers, another testament to how much he wants this. Meanwhile Pike is panting, his cheeks flushed and his pupils are blown. He leans up, pressing a soft kiss against Ash's lips before letting his head sink back. When he breaks away, he blinks and his eyes are slightly wet, his breathing shaky. 

Ash places a kiss against the corners of his mouth, then along his jaw, which earns him another shiver and another moan, almost a whine. It goes straight to his cock. Cursing softly he knows he is not going to last long, neither will Pike and so he reaches down to free them from their trousers. 

It's a bit of a fumble, especially as he cannot help himself but keep kissing and nibbling along Chris' neck, whose hands have wandered to Ash's collar and zipper, opening it carefully and giving him more than enough time to pull away, even though his hands are trembling. Then his hands run through his hair, and growls as he feels them tangle in his hair. 

Reaching between them, Ash runs a finger over Chris' cock, which makes the other one moan and arch up into him. A wave of emotions -of wants, desire and longing- passes through him, but he pushes those aside, not wanting to think about the implications. Not now at least, when he is enjoying himself. It makes Ash to take them both into their hands, slowly moving his hand up and down. 

Chris arches up against him, moaning, craning his head to the side. A shudder runs through him as Ash places more kisses along his neck and throat. He speeds up his movements, running his hand over them. It's not long until they are both panting, both close and then Ash twists his wrist and Chris comes, shaking. 

Ash follows him over the edge, screwing his eyes shut, mouth opened in a soundless moan. He comes down from his high, resting against Chris, who has his arms loosely around him, breathing heavy in his ear. 

Ash exhales, feeling sated and relaxed. He is about to get up, but Chris' arms tighten around him. 'Please, just stay here for a while,' Chris mutters, nuzzling against Ash's neck. 

After a pause, Ash nods, 'Alright.' He shifts though, so most of his weight isn't on Chris. The couch however is still comically small for the two of them, but it doesn't seem to bother Chris, who has wriggles his arms around him and pulls a blanket from the back of the couch. Then he closes his eyes, exhaling. 

Adjusting the blanket, Ash entangles their legs, thinking about how he should really not fall asleep like this. It will be hell on his neck. But for now he is strangely comfortable, perhaps in the same post-orgasmic haze as Chris. Well, he can spare are few minutes.

* * *

In the morning Ash wakes up with a crick in his neck, the computer alarm clock beeping and Chris mostly on top of him like a warm, breathing blanket. Or maybe a disgruntled cat, judging by the glare Chris throws towards the beeping alarm. Then his eyes widen as he sees the time. 

They get dressed in a hurry to get ready for shift, during which Ash cannot help himself, but poke a bit of fun at Chris' pointing out what a while is. It ends with Chris placing a peck on his lips and then asking, 'Dinner tonight?' 

Which leaves Ash speechless, except for a nod and the slow smile spreading across his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading - Kudos, comments and constructive criticism appreciated.


End file.
